samantha beta (forever_ineros) wrote in fat_bi_drama,
samantha beta

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For People Who Believe in Brutal Honesty

I was hit on by a drugged out(up?) girl and a drunk guy. That does not help my self esteem. As soon as they come out of it and see me in the light, I know they'll be repulsed. There's a guy who called me "unattractive" repeatedly (not to my face, but online through his LJ) and then later that night told me he had brief sexual fantasies about me. I guess you don't have to think someone's attractive to wanna have sex with them! Too bad for everyone that my legs are closed so fucking tight right now because I wish I was dead and don't want to talk about it with anybody because I don't want to get hurt again. I am getting so angry defensively recently, but then later that night I just broke down and cried and I'm not even sure why. I just used the excuse that I need lots of rest or else I get really emotional. I can't tell when I'm being delusional and when there is actually something good going on. I can't tell if I'm going where I want to go because it's fun or because I want to run myself down until I have nothing left to lose. I hate this. I keep on making these stupid posts, most of them probably more eloquent and detailed than this one, and this one is the one I make public. Figures.
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